what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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