The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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