It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
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What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
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Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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