This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
