I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
