I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
