if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
