I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
