The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
