I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
