I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
