but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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