Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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