I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
