Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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