dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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