i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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