As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
