He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
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Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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