how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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