drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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