are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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