I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
