The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
