Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Randomize
