i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
