there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
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My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
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You can't just leave with hair like that
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.