And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity