I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....