Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(856): View more from New Jersey

i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!

(917): View more from New York City

question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?

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(856): i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done! (917): question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut? http://tfl.nu/3a66

Replies (24) Good night (2507) Bad night (621)
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(810): View more from Michigan

I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...

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(810): I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work... http://tfl.nu/lwph

Replies (29) Good night (4471) Bad night (742)
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(806): View more from Texas

You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."

(1-806): View more from Texas

Best pick-up line ever!

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(806): You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck." (1-806): Best pick-up line ever! http://tfl.nu/plrf

Replies (35) Good night (10014) Bad night (1417)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.

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(724): An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god. http://tfl.nu/gzqy

Replies (24) Good night (5553) Bad night (2406)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'

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(507): i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor' http://tfl.nu/w930

Replies (1) Good night (2531) Bad night (922)
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(509): View more from Washington

Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.

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(509): Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully. http://tfl.nu/j9yb

Replies (9) Good night (3594) Bad night (1432)
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(705): View more from Ontario

You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.

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(705): You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden. http://tfl.nu/3tyu

Replies (11) Good night (2021) Bad night (1212)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

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(704): It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/euqx

Replies (6) Good night (2070) Bad night (1027)
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(614): View more from Ohio

I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'

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(614): I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table' http://tfl.nu/avs4

Replies (4) Good night (3843) Bad night (802)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I can't. I will literally throw up my liver

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.

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(610): I can't. I will literally throw up my liver (484): Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume. http://tfl.nu/eh54

Replies (2) Good night (1779) Bad night (805)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"

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(201): Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class" http://tfl.nu/e4eb

Replies (2) Good night (853) Bad night (540)
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(515): View more from Iowa

He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.

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(515): He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse. http://tfl.nu/kc12

Replies (1) Good night (615) Bad night (395)
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(616): View more from Michigan

That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt

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(616): That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt http://tfl.nu/2m8h

Replies (1) Good night (508) Bad night (402)
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(519): View more from Ontario

You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?

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(519): You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!? http://tfl.nu/kwzr

Replies (3) Good night (688) Bad night (262)
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(925): View more from California

Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.

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(925): Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck. http://tfl.nu/l105

Replies (3) Good night (185) Bad night (405)

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