it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
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The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
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she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.