we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.