I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
