My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
