And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
