It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
drinking out of a sandbucket again
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You made out with two different species that night
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
