I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize