We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
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get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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