This house was built for laser tag.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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