You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
