So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
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Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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