I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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