New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
this is an emotional support booty call
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
