Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
