you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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