I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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