all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
