Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I looked at my own cervix.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
