shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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