Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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