please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
