i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
