i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
