life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
