i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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