And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So apparently I’m into choking now
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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