if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
