You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
