We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
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