You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
