Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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