I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
