She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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