Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Randomize
