I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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