Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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