i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
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Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
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Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?