her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...