He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif