So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
