i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week