dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(